To Shiloh on your 4th Birthday

My dearest boy,

Today you turn four years old.

I’m writing this while watching you push two cars around the floor. Thanks to the power of your imagination, both matchbox cars have become transformers who are now battling  it out over the fate of the world.  Watching you play always fills me with such an overwhelming gratitude for you. I wish I could express how much I love you besides saying “I LOVE YOU!” a million times a day, but it’s all I can do. My love for you has no words.

You are the most flexible of all your siblings. You can play happily all day with a few cars or a stick or really anything. I love how your eyes sparkle and you give me a little smirk when I hand you something and create an imaginary use for it. Like I give you a bucket and tell you that it’s a treasure chest and you’re a pirate and you need to find treasure to put in it. Or when I give you some blocks and tell you to build me a tower as high as the moon. You love a challenge and a purpose. You want the things you do to have a result at the end.

You’re also my most outgoing child. You talk to almost anyone and I can now say that at four years old, even strangers can understand you (for the most part). You took awhile learning how to enunciate and pronounce your words, but about six months ago you took a huge leap and have been amazing us with your language skills ever since. You still don’t speak French, but I think it will be the same as with English. You’re in school about three days a week and it’s all in French, so obviously you’re learning. I’m confidant that you’ll let us know when you’re ready to speak and until then, we won’t pressure you. You are very brave and there are not many things that intimidate you as your confidence is solid.

Another funny trait that you’ve picked up in the last few months is you have become a major hand talker with extremely dramatic facial expressions to go along with it. When you need to tell me something serious, it is almost impossible to keep the smile off my face. Even when you do something wrong and come to confess, I normally can’t help but laugh. You’re just so dang cute!

But it’s not all roses, the most annoying thing you do right now is you’re still at four years old, not completely poop trained. One day, one… day….

You crave affirmation and when people speak negatively over you, it really affects you. Because of this, every single day we affirm you and the wonderful qualities that you possess. We tell you how smart you are, how strong you are, what a great brother you are, how much we love you, how proud we are of you and so much more. When we speak these words over you, your entire posture changes. You delight in our delight. I love it!

You’ve always been such a big boy and that trend doesn’t look like it’s changing any time soon. You’re the biggest kid in your class by far and for the last 3 months have been wearing size 12 shoes and size 5 (not 5T but 5 big kid size) in clothes. You’re just a few inches short of Lyric who is tall for her age as well. If little boys are anything like puppies, then by the size of your paws you’re going to be one big guy

Shiloh you are such an incredible joy to me and your daddy. You bring an infectious happiness and joie de vivre, which spreads to anyone you meet. You love people and want them to be happy. You have such a tender heart and my greatest goal is to guard that heart of yours as long as I can. You have challenged me more than I ever thought possible and I don’t say that negatively. You have caused me to question my parenting and push me to realize that each of my children needs something different from me. The things you need from me are different than Lyric or Valor. You need a funny momma, a cheerleader, someone to tell you how handsome and brave you are. You need me to hold you when you fall down, but then to whisper in your ear “try it again.” You need a momma to remind you not to react out of anger, but to use your words if you’re feeling angry or frustrated. You need me to acknowledge the things you work hard on and gush and gush about it to everyone I see that day. You don’t need me to hover, but you need me to keep a watchful eye.

Just looking at you, my precious boy, I feel like I’m suffocating with love and pride. What I did to deserve you I will never know, but I promise to raise you the best I know how. We’ll figure this life out together.

Momma loves you.